I'm just going to be honest, I am hanging by a thread. Just typing this is making my eyes well up and now I have that stupid lump in my throat…… alright, I just closed my eyes for 20 seconds and now I am back. My mother-in-law has taken a horrible turn for the worse. If you know me or follow my blog then you know that mid-July out of nowhere my mother-in-law almost died. We dropped everything and went up to Nor Cal to help and be with the family. By some crazy miracle my mother-in-law survived. Unfortunately they did find cancer. They said she would need a month or two to recover from almost dying and then would have a year to 3 years cause of the cancer. Not so much. She is back in ICU and it is now looking like we have about a week unless another miracle happens. The hubby jumped in the car when I got home from work on Friday and went up north to be with his family. So of course I have all the normal jacked up emotions that come along with your mother-in-law being on her deathbed and watching your husband be emotionally wrecked. But I feel like I am being torn in two direction right now about what is the right thing to do for my family. On one hand I want to drop everything and head up north to be with my husband. I want to be there so badly to just hold my husband if he needs me. Even though my mother-in-law is totally drugged out I feel like I should be there in ICU holding her hand. On the other hand I feel like the best thing to do as a mother and a provider is to be here right now. I don't think it is healthy to take an almost 4 year old into that environment right now. And I 100% don't think Lovelyn's should see her Grandma in her current state. Lovelyn got to spend over a week visiting with her Grandma last month and I think those are better memories to be left with. I am so torn. I thought about it all weekend long and I asked myself what do I think my mother-in-law would want me to do. My mother-in-law is the ultimate "Mom", she spends so much of her energy caring about other people. I truly believe that she would want Lovelyn to NOT be around all of the stuff going on up there right now and would rather us come up to help the family when the time comes. My heart is breaking.