Humans have blind spots. Some times we need an out side observer to show up them.
Expectations are resentments under construction.
Look beyond ourself. And there things will appear. From an undiagnosed view.
Beyond ourself is somewhere different.
Filled with light.
Out our Inner Mind
Beyond ourself and time.
Beyond ourself this human slum we rent.
Beyond the dirt of crowded thoughts
Beyond the rules of what we're taught
Beyond ourself we rarely go
Beyond ourself to seek is to know
Beyond it all is where we lay
Beyond our last living day
Beyond it all is nothing more than what we see when we dream
Beyond it all life takes mean.
There is a reason why I dont watch porn. I know its not a popular choice I make to not watch pornography and I understand especially in my industry it's the "typical cool guy thing" to watch it or drool when its talked about. But I've made a decision for my own personal belief to not watch. I feel there are so many, so many things that infiltrate our minds and thoughts everyday on a conscience and subconscience level. And some things affect us knowingly or not. And I used to have a different thought proccess. But honestly I never felt super comfortable watching it. Some thing inside me inherently felt off. And now I have a better understanding of myself. I felt I dont need to subject my mind to what I feel is an unneccessary pollution of the mind. And it's not art. I understand that European art is way more liberal in its views of sexuality, of which I appreciate with and in art form its beautiful.
There are sooo many messages in our society infiltrating our head. I dont feel like adding another of my own doing. I see these magazines at the check out counters of grocery stores all portraying societies image of beauty or if its not, its a front page bashing of why its un acceptable. And I feel those things will affect people on what they think about themselves in a comparison to the magazine cover. I see concepts. And maybe I'm totally wrong but from what I've learned, my behavior will be affected by my surroundings. For instance, I listen to certain music at certain times and also some music will affect my feelings. A song will flood me with memories at times. And I recognize sound as more impacting than visual but nonetheless both are impacting.
I'd be lying about who I am if I pretending I thought porn was cool. I'm traditional when it comes to sex. I m always learning about myself. Looking inside and examining my life. And through living and learning, being taught and teaching, introspective and outrospective, trial and error, I come to see more of who I am.
I understand I am not the typical "guy" when it comes to a few things. One thing embarassing to admit but, it is part of me, is that I (and I think unlike most men) want attention. It's not like a social attention but an intimate attention. I feel loved or whatever emotion when someone takes the time to set aside everything else to give me their full attention. Its a weird character flaw to admit. It's not manly or what culture says men want attention, usually men want to be left alone.